22 July 2013

Lets Talk: Love.

As my long time followers will know, this year I became single for the first time in 7 years!
We are now at the 6 month mark, and I feel like its time for me to impart some wisdom on what I have learned.

So I have had two relationships since I was 16. The first:

He was my best friend, and then my first love. We were together for 4 years and it was the best time of my life. Then, it fell apart, we weren't to be and we split. I can honestly say that was the darkest time of my life. I genuinely felt like I was going to die, I felt my heart shatter into pieces, it sounds dramatic, but anyone who has gone through it will understand. I cried and cried and cried, for weeks. I thought I would be alone the rest of my life, that I would never get over this and I'd die alone with my cats ... I was 20. Idiot. I knew at the time, and I stand by it now, splitting was a the right thing to do, sometimes things just aren't destined to work, and that is a good thing because then it can bring something better, more wonderful into your life :)

I got into my second relationship really fast. The Second:

We met at work and we took it slow for a few months. I was frightened to get involved in this love game again, never mind so soon after my first devastation. We were together for 3 years. It was a different kind of relationship. It was safe, I felt like no one could ever hurt me if he was there, which now looking back I let myself become too dependent on him. He made me much braver, I stopped being frightened to travel, I started to believe in myself more, I took more chances, more risks. Ironically these things were ultimately the downfall of our relationship. 

I can't quite understand still what went wrong. All I know is that I didn't like the girl I was becoming with him. Now I can look back and see how unhappy I was. How much I was changing myself be become what I thought he wanted me to be while still battling with myself, to be myself.
The truth of the matter is, I'm no Stepford bride. 

I like a drink.
I LOVE to swear.
I like dark jokes.
I like tattoos, I have tattoos.
I'm not a girly girl, if I want to dress like a boy I can.

and I fucking will.

Our relationship ended suddenly in February, after doing long distance between Cambridge and Glasgow for a while. This break up wasn't like the first. I knew I wasn't going to die. I knew I would meet someone else and I would be happy again. I did want to wait though, so I made a vow.

I haven't been single since I was 16. I can remember that 15 year old girl so full of hope, so ignorant of love and its endless complications. No interest in boys and she would absolutely never have let and boys take over her life. Where did that Paula go?

I have made it my mission this year to re discover that girl. I want to stay single for at least a year. I want to find myself without anyone else being involved. I want to know what MY passions are. What food I like. What do I do for fun? I seriously don't know a lot of this stuff outside of these relationships, what is that all about? I need to know who I am in order to know what I want in a relationship, how do I know what I want if I've never had the chance to explore.

For the first time since I was 16, I'm not in love, and it feels fan-fucking-tastic!

Its just me now, I can do absolutely anything I want.

I know of a few people just now going through that first break up, the worst one. I just want them to know that it WILL BE OK! You WILL get over it. You will love again, you will probably hurt again too. But I tell you, despite all the pain heartbreak has caused me, I feel like I've came out the other side a better, happier and much much stronger person!

I'm happy, truly happy.

There were times I thought that would never happen, but I was wrong, and I promise you, your wrong too. Its going to be alright. Promise ... pinky promise!

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x

21 July 2013

Flatform Twins.

Top Primark
Shorts H&M
Bracelets Internacionale & Razzle Dazzle
Ring Primark
Flatforms River Island

As I write this my eyes are slamming shut. I'm staying awake as I start night shift this week. I'm struggling already. As I am on night shift I won't be posting any outfits, however I am going to schedule some posts the now to try and help me stay awake.

I picked up this little top yesterday, at £4 I thought is was just a nice wee monochrome top that will go with loads. I really liked this outfit because it had a classic feel because of the colours but then its quite sporty and casual too. I love my flatforms! I managed to survive all day in work in them, but I usually wear them out because they give me the height without the pain of heels.

I've just found out this week that me shifts are being condensed  So I will now be working 4 days instead of 5. So I'm excited as I'm going to dedicate that day strictly to blog/internship work only! Hopefully it will make posting more regular.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x

16 July 2013

Pretty Green Eyeliner.


Dress H&M
Necklace H&M
Rings Vintage and H&M

This was what I wore on Sunday, my family and I were having a BBQ for my sisters 21st Birthday. It was a brilliant way to spend a Sunday off work, food, food, more food and birthday cake in the sunshine, bliss.

I got this dress a few weeks ago from a charity shop. I was drawn in but the colours and paisley pattern, can't resist a bit of paisley. 

I was matching the dress to my new green eyeliner. I've no idea where its from I just grabbed it out a reduced bin because I loved the colour, and liked it on, which I was surprised about. I think coloured eyeliner is the way forward (I really want a bright neon pink one). I don't like eye shadows, I feel like it just makes me look stupid, but the eyeliner is a little more suttle.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x

15 July 2013

Far From Perfect.



Jacket George at ASDA
Dress Primark
Necklace Primark
Rings Primark and H&M
Anklet Vintage

I clearly woke up today expecting the sunshine that never came. Not that I'm complaining, I loved the sun while it lasted but its nice to be able to sleep again without fearing that I might melt in my bed.

I've had this dress a few years now and I really love everything about it. The back detail makes it so much more exciting and I can wear it casually like this or with heels and wear it out. The front bust is really flattering too, although when you sit there are side boob issues. I cut it shorter and then never hemmed it, which is why its frayed, I might hem it one day, but I'm in no rush.

I'm going to try and post all week but I'm on late shifts so I might just fall straight into bed, plus intern work is coming first before the blog. But I will try, promise.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x

14 July 2013

Inspired by Bee.


Top Topshop
Skirt Topshop
Necklace Vintage
Bracelet Vintage
Belt H&M
Shoes New Look

This skirt was totally worth almost bankrupting myself for. I had £54 in the bank on Friday, and I stupidly went in to the Topshop sale ... bad idea Bran! I was literally in the fitting room, on the floor, purse emptied trying to scrape together a £1 out if 5ps because my purchases came to £55. I did have a pound in 5ps. I regret nothing.

 It was in the sale and I just fell in love with the colours and the shape. Its such a great staple piece for my summer wardrobe. I'm already thinking of tons of stuff I could wear it with. I think I could wear it right through summer and autumn, but I'm not sure how it would hold up in winter.

I also got this coat in the sale. I'm a sucker for Neons, and I know its a while before I will need it, well I hope, but isn't she just gorgeous!

Sweet Dreams 

Paula .. x


12 July 2013

Hair Update 1.


It has now been 4 weeks since I shaved all my hair off, so this is just a wee update to let you see how its growing. 

I'm going to try and get a new post up every month for at leaste the first year. Then I can run it all together and then hopefully I will feel good about how its growing in.

So far I'm really amazed at how long its grown in the four weeks, I really hope it continues to go this fast. Its growing in really dark, which I hope changes as the sun bleaches it, but once its long enough I can always get it coloured, properly this time, no DIY dye jobs!

I'm not using any products in my hair, nothing but water, I don't know how much of a difference its making but it feels so so so soft!

The wig wis going really well too, I'm loving how it looks and its so easy to style and wear everyday. I have learned how to put it up to for when I might feel like a change. 

I will be sending out all the money rasied to the charities at the end of the month as I still have to transfer some money through, but at the moment I'm just shy of £500, which is insane! Thank you so much to anyone who donated/shared/tweeted the cause!
I really appriciate it! If you would like to donate you still can here.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x

11 July 2013

Fairy Princess.


Dress Forever 21
Neckalce ?
Rings Primark and ?

This dress was meant to be my July "Treat" to myself since I am once again skint. But I'd be lying if I said I haven't bought another shitload of clothes this month. I have no self control :( I think I've worked out that boys and clothes are my kryptonite.

I love it because its so light and floaty, ideal in this sunshine we are being blessed with. I felt like the fairy princess in it. I pleated sections of my hair to add to the hippy-ish vibe.

I've been neglecting the blog a bit during this sun and making the most of it, but tonight I'm hiding in the shade and writting up some posts for the week, including an update on my hair, and a little post about loveeeeeee. Ohh.

So here are some of my other treats this month ...

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x



6 July 2013

Alice is Back.


Top Primark
Skirt Forever 21
Bow H&M

Why are we forced to wear tights in July, jeeeso!

I love this skirt, its so sixties, but I struggle to find things to go with it.

Thats all.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x

5 July 2013

I'm Adam West.



Top Primark
Skirt H&M (Dress worn as skirt)
Belt Primark
Sock Primark
Shoes Converse
Rings Edinburgh Dungeons and Primark

I don't show it too much on the blog I don't think, but I am super hero obsessed  I have tons of comic book stuff, I had to be talked out of buying an Iron Man onesie this week ... because I had already bought a Spiderman one ...

I was so excited when I got this t-shirt in Primark of all places, cost me a belting £6, whenever I'm looking for superhero or band t-shirts online they are sooooo expensive o this was an amazing wee find! Think they had a superman one too, but I don't like Superman. I matched the grey tube skirt to keep in with the whole early Batman theme, nae Dark Knight stunts. I wore my converse with my wee socks last week and just thought it was really cute, think they keep the whole geeky theme going.

Sweet Dreams

Paula .. x